Blueprint for Fulfillment: Laying the Groundwork for a Meaningful Life
INTRODUCTION
Building a meaningful life is an endeavor that transcends the pursuit of simple happiness or the accumulation of material wealth. It’s about cultivating a sense of purpose, forging deep connections with others, and making a positive impact on the world around you. Taking up this endeavor means engaging in personal reflection to discover your core values and passions, set forth goals that resonate with these values, and deliberately acting toward those goals.
In the subsequent sections, keep in mind that building a meaningful life is not a destination to be reached but a dynamic and ongoing process. It requires patience, commitment, and the courage to make choices that are authentic to who you are. As you explore, remember that the most fulfilling life is one lived with intention, purpose, and a heart open to the endless possibilities that each new day brings.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
A meaningful life is one that you personally choose, not one chosen for you.
You need something to struggle against to give life purpose.
Happiness is more than feeling pleasure and avoiding pain.
GETTING STARTED
Whose Life Are You Living?
Your life is given meaning from the time you’re born. Coming into the world, you’re surrounded by the history of your family, your state, your country, and all the values that come with them. These are the values upon which you’ll be raised and expected to make your own.
You’ll question some over the course of your life, creating new meaning for yourself, and others you’ll continue to act out unquestioned. Some will bring you fulfillment and others will bring a sense of emptiness.
An important first step in building a meaningful life for yourself is answering this question:
Are you doing the things that are actually important to you, or are you doing things that others tell you are important to you?
Finding what brings your own life purpose, and not somebody else’s, is a big part of you freely moving in the direction you want.
Clarify What You Value
When you think about what adds meaning and purpose to your life, you are thinking of personal values. Values aren’t like goals that are achievable, but qualities you can choose to act on over and over - like kindness, gratitude, curiosity, responsibility, and honesty.
You choose to live by your values because they give you a sense of direction, especially when life becomes difficult.
If I set out to go north because that’s important to me, I can keep that at the forefront of my mind even if I find myself trudging through swamps to get there. Building a meaningful life means I’d be willing to sacrifice some immediate comfort to get where I want to go and do what I want to do.
I have the freedom to turn back if the journey gets tough, but the personal value helps me willingly accept the challenges and help me continue onward.
Pleasure vs. Purpose
The Journal of Happiness Studies published a paper asking participants to perform activities related to “seeking pleasure and comfort” – such as playing video games or shopping – or to perform activities “seeking to use and develop the best in oneself” – such as considering one’s values (Huta & Ryan, 2010).
The results showed that positive emotions rose right away following “pleasurable” activities, but that they were short-lived. Engaging in “meaningful” activities didn’t bring as much positive emotion, but did exhibit more lasting indicators of increased well-being.
People whose lives were high in both pleasurable and virtuous activities had the highest reports of overall well-being.
According to researcher Maya Tamir in her study on the secret to happiness, this means that “happiness is more than simply feeling pleasure and avoiding pain. Happiness is about having experiences that are meaningful and valuable…” (Tamir et al., 2017).
People need something to struggle against that is meaningful in order to build that sense of purpose and lasting satisfaction.
If you over-prioritize the immediate payoff of pleasure at the expense of meaningful endeavors that are difficult, your psychological health is more likely to suffer. If it was that easy to just feel happy, we’d already be choosing to feel it all the time! But it’s not that simple.
GETTING FOCUSED
Prioritizing Your Values
Rather than broadly desire to be happy, consider the different domains that exist in your life for continued meaningful action.
A life that has consistently under-prioritized important domains is often one that feels constrained and lacks meaning. You’ll feel the pinch that comes from neglect of these other important parts of your life and will need to make some changes to reorder what gets more of your time, energy, and resources. It can be challenging to reprioritize your life like this, but necessary in working toward greater health and satisfaction.
The Domains of Life
Consider the following domains and reflect on their priority in your life:
Health
Leisure / Hobby
Social Relationships
Family Relationships
Intimate Relationships
Spirituality
Community / Environment
Money
Learning / Personal Growth
Work / School
Now ask yourself:
Have I been under-prioritizing an important domain in my life?
What type of person do I want to be in these domains? (e.g. “I want to be the type of person who is kind, assertive, supportive, patient, cooperative, organized, etc.”)
What actions can I take that will demonstrate these values?
What are barriers that will keep me from acting like this type of person? (difficult thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, people, places, etc.)
What will I do when these barriers show up to remember my values and continue moving in a desired direction?
CONCLUSION
What to do From Here
Don’t wait to feel better before doing something that can make a difference.
Make a list of two or three things for each value that you could do within the next 24 hours to bring them back to life.
Challenge yourself to engage in one of these activities, even if it’s small.
Building a meaningful life can become about acting with this intention right now, even if there’s discomfort. You may find that you have more choices than what you initially imagined.
SOURCES
Huta, V., Ryan, R.M. Pursuing Pleasure or Virtue: The Differential and Overlapping Well-Being Benefits of Hedonic and Eudaimonic Motives. J Happiness Stud 11, 735–762 (2010). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-009-9171-4
Tamir, Maya, et al. “The Secret to Happiness: Feeling Good or Feeling Right?” Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, vol. 146, no. 10, 2017, pp. 1448–1459., doi:10.1037/xge0000303.supp.
JASON PERUCHINI, LMFT
Jason Peruchini is a licensed psychotherapist and anxiety treatment professional who helps people address issues in mental health to live better lives.
